...revelations...

(This was originally a BugJuice topic, but I think the message rings true in several situations...)

Originally [part of a post] from Quilled Scripts:

This is probably going to be my longest entry. I have recently come to some revelations about everything concerning Bug Juice, and some things concerning myself, through conversations with Andrea, Heather, and Scott. I’m forced by necessity to use examples and people in this, so please bear with that. I’m not posting old situations to stir shit, but it’s easier to explain things this way. Hold on to your hats…

THE PAST

This group used to be awesome. We all started with Scott, Corey, DeLarbar, Beaver, and me. We all hated each other in high school, but somehow became friends. Scott and I, we were the common link between everyone, half the people knew him (example: [someone]), half knew me (example: Quazi). We kept getting more and more people in the group, and there were very little secrets. Every inside joke, every story, belonged to everyone. It was like some utopian society…no, not a society; just a very large group of close friends, like a big family almost.

Well, that was then; this is now.

PROBLEMS

People started getting pissed off about Scott and me calling us the “leaders.” People started getting pissed off at each other. People started talking about each other behind their backs (EVERYONE is guilty of this; every single fucking person). People went to college, people got full-time jobs; others didn’t. A great rift opened between (some) people. Damn it, this isn’t the way things are supposed to be. We’re practically a family for crissakes! I can understand not liking someone (examples: Corey doesn’t really like Quazi too much; I don’t like Joe D.; Scott doesn’t like Jay; etc.), but the above-mentioned bullshit there is no excuse for.

“INCLUDE ME OR DIE”

Lately, when something is going on, let’s just say Scott and I are hanging out, people bitch because they weren’t included. I hate this. The whole “where was I” bullshit. People are not always going to be able to include everyone. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard someone complain about how they weren’t included or involved in something or some outing. People, you cannot be involved in everything; some things are just between two people, or a small handful of people. And, some jokes are between two people or a handful of people. And, some events or happenings are run by only certain people (i.e. the message board, the website, parties, outings, concerts, etc.). The sooner this is realized, the better.

SCAPEGOAT

This would have been included in my “Quill Issues” section; but it’s not, because like it or not, accept it or not, it is a Bug Juice issue. For some reason, I get shit on for stuff that no one else gets shits on for. For instance, I have an opinion about something, and I voice it. Scott, Corey, and maybe another person voice the EXACT SAME OPINION. But who gets yelled at when it’s not agreed with? Me. Another example, a recent one: Beaver recently went on a little bitch-fit at me for not coming down to visit him in Cape. Now, nobody ELSE has come to visit him either, including Scott, Corey, Erich…but they didn’t get anything said to them by Beaver. Recently, Beaver has apologized for that, and I DO appreciate it. However, it’s not the only time it’s happened. I routinely get harped on for shit that nobody else does. It’s total bullshit. For some reason, it’s okay for others to say certain things, but the minute I say something similar, I get jumped on. This isn’t the way shit should be, nor is it very fair. I can handle being shit on for things that I’m deserving of, but I am not (and should not be) the fucking scapegoat of this group, nor do I wish to be any longer, and I refuse to let it continue.

CHANGES

Some people have left our group, either just by life happenings (i.e. Yan Felcman, Nick Schilli, etc.) or by total vote (i.e. James Steib). Some have gone away to college and now have lives of their own (i.e. me, Campo) and some stayed in St. Louis and continued to simmer in the same situations (i.e. Corey, Quazi). Some have become parents and have major responsibilities now (i.e. Quazi, Jess, Pussy Viking) and others just got married and can’t drop everything to go out all the time (i.e. me). Some people have jobs that dictate what they do and when they can do it (i.e. Scott, me, Quazi). People have gotten jobs or gone away to school; people’s lives are constantly changing and growing. All of this really changes nothing but the suit our group is wearing at the time. We can all still remain great friends if we accept the changes we are each going through as individuals.

…FOR THE GOOD OF THE GROUP

This is a very skewed philosophy. Person A dislikes/has animosity towards Person B; Person C argues that Person A should attend a party where Person B is going to be at, for the good of the rest of the alphabet group. I’m sorry, but that’s a bullshit theory. I don’t believe that just because I don’t attend a party, it ruins the whole thing for everyone else. If anything, I’m the one missing out, so who gives a flying fuck? It’s my philosophy that people shouldn’t be required to put up with or swallow anything just to keep numbers at a party up. If I don’t like [someone] (just as an example), I shouldn’t be required to attend a party where he’s going to be. That doesn’t stop anyone else from attending said party; it doesn’t prevent anyone else from having a good time. If anything, my being there would be a tension situation, opening the possibility wide open for an argument or fight. The whole ‘for the good of the group’ philosophy actually achieves the opposite of what it claims to do. It should be ‘for the BAD of the group’ instead.I’m tired of all of this, guys.

**********************************************************************

I’m tired of being made the scapegoat and the target for all the bitching. I’m tired of being BLAMED for other people’s action or inaction. I’m tired of being falsely accused of trying to turn people against someone. I’m tired of what once was a unified group splintered apart and bickering. Council-ish I know, but it’s true, look around. This is all total bullshit. Complete bullshit.

Bug Juice is about friendship and surrogate family. It isn’t about bitching and bickering and bullshit.